I am so over the whole will we or won’t we move bullshit. 

As of right now, I am hopeful that Mr. A is not going to take that interview.  I am even more hopeful he will end this torture and withdraw his applications SOON.  But negotiations are ongoing.   I am going to ban myself from talking about it here until we have some sort of resolution one way or the other.   I will let you know when the end is nigh. 

In other news, the weather has been dreary here for the past few days.  The girls have been a bit cranky.  L got her first time out and it appears she is not a girl who will go down without a fight.  Holy moly, her thrashing could have earned her a slot on Supernanny.

On Wednesday, M got to visit the school where she will (hopefully) go to kindergarten this fall.  They had a special trip around the neighborhood to introduce the kindergarteners to riding a school bus.  M loved riding the bus and we saw some kids we know from various activities and the playground.  It was very low-key and pleasant.  This is the second activity they have had so far that has no purpose other than getting the kids used to being at school and looking forward to kindergarten.  I think it is nice.   I am looking forward to the fall.

Another thing that has been on my mind: 

Does anyone know anything about left-handed violin players?  We were planning to start M on violin this year. M is right handed.  It appears that L is strongly left-handed.  I don’t want to a) buy different violins for them or b) stick L in an instrument that is strongly biased against left-handedness.  Is there another string instrument that would be better for a lefty?  Should we just do piano (with a full-size electric keyboard since we don’t have space for a piano) instead?  Google is giving me conflicting advice.

This afternoon, Mr. A got a call about another interview.

This job is much more important and prestigous than the one in Chicago.  And strangely, I think he has a much better chance of actually getting this job. 

 It is rare that we are at such a pivotal moment in our lives and actually aware of it while it is happening.

That knowledge is not making this any easier.

I do not know what we are going to do. 

This morning I woke up and felt a lot better. 

The good news is that Mr. A is going to manage the entire process of getting the table consulted upon and hopefully repaired.  He is very contrite and I suppose I can forgive him.  This mess also reopened negotiations about how long we are going to let his applications stand because I really don’t want to move.  I used to be OK with moving, but now I am not.  So he is going to think about it and we will open the discussion again later this week.

Another amazing thing happened.  I ordered a skirt from Boden (the green one) for our family photos and it fit!  It looks pretty good, I think.  Maybe it doesn’t seem so amazing to those of you who can normally buy clothing off the rack and have it fit, but for me, it is like a miracle.  I am short and kind of stocky, I tend to have a hard time finding skirts that don’t make me look like I am a husky, middle-aged hausfrau with huge calves.    (I mean, seriously, trying to buy clothes for these pictures has made me come to terms with the fact that my ass is quite matronly. Sigh.)  The skirt was way more expensive than I would normally pay, but the good news is I can also wear it to a wedding we have coming up a few weeks.

The most exciting thing of all also happened last night.  I was contacted by an organization about volunteering to do some fundraising for a cause I really believe in.  I spent last night researching the organization and the project and I feel really good about it.  So all of you who were worried that I need more direction in my life, never fear!  I will have a little something to do!  It is perfect, because it uses my skills (fundraising) but will require no set hours or excessive time commitment from me. 

So things are looking up today.  Hooray!

In case you are looking for it, this morning I found the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. 

Last week, when Mr. A got his rejection, I was practically ecstatic.  I also felt really guilty because I knew he was bummed, but I was thrilled for the girls and myself.  Since he got the rejection, Mr. A has been a bit mopey.  This is understandable, though a little annoying because it is sort of ruining the buzz of relief for me. 

After the initial excitement of the reprieve wore off, I realized that this game is not over.  We are still technically waiting until May 31st to withdraw Mr. A’s applications.  It feels a bit like there is an ax hanging over my head.  Every time the phone rings, I cringe because I am afraid it is Mr. A calling to say he has another interview in another city.

While many, many people in the world have lives more stressful than mine, the last couple months have been wearing me down.  The constant wondering and worrying about having to move has worn my nerves quite thin.  Also, all the late-night house repairs and related expenses haven’t exactly helped.  This most recent anxiety may be worse than all the rest, because we are sooooo close to getting to go back to life as normal. 

While there have been a few stress-induced blowups (from me) in the last month or two, we have mostly managed to avoid taking the stress out on each other.  This morning, though, Mr. A managed to push me over the edge.

When he woke me up, he said “There is something I need to talk to you about.” 

This is never a good sign.  People don’t say that about good news.

Since it was 7:30 on a Monday morning, I knew he could not have received information about a job.  I was still half asleep, but my brain was trying to figure out what bad thing could have happened between 11:00pm and 7:30. 

“Last night, I scratched the table*.”  Mr. A said, “I need you to come look at it.”  Initially, I was relieved, because it could have been worse.  And then I saw the table.  

It has maybe 6 or 7 large scratches on the top.  BIG scratches.   OBVIOUS scratches.  On my brand new dining room table.  The table that had been such a hassle to order, pick up and assemble.  The table I had waited 6 years to buy.  The last piece of college furniture that we needed to replace.  A table that was the perfect size for our small dining area, but also expands to seat 8 so we might actually be able to have dinner guests.

The table itself wasn’t that expensive.  It was from an outlet (which is probably why it scratched so easily) and made of veneer.  But because it is veneer, it most likely isn’t fixable in the ways you could fix scratched wood.  And the chairs that match it were expensive and they don’t match many other tables at Crate and Barrel.  Especially not tables that fit the space in our house.

I would like to say that I was rational and calm, but that would be a lie.   I totally lost it when I saw all those scratches on the now-ruined table.  All the stress of the past couple months came welling up.  Then I yelled.   And after the yelling, I started crying.  And to be honest, then there was some more yelling.   And even now, two hours later, I am still really upset.

It is such a stupid effing thing to make me so upset, and so small in the grand scheme of things.  But here I am crying in my cheerios anyway.

 *Mr. A claims the scratches were made by paperclips on work documents he had on the table last night. 

Whoops.  I meant to save that last post as a draft.  I didn’t realize I had posted it until I got a couple comments.

It was the beginning of me trying to figure out how to address the 5 posts I had linked to.  It wasn’t anything but my first thoughts and I was finding the whole topic rather clunky. 

Whatever.   I will leave it since it seems to have been posted for an entire day anyway.  Maybe I will figure out what I wanted to say later.

In the meantime, here is a link to a NY Times article about the attention mixed-race kids get in China.   I am not sure why this qualifies as news, but it was a familiar topic to me.

Now I will go back to enjoying the first leisurely weekend we have had in long time!